These past few weeks have been weird. As I sat here composing my post, I thought of a few metaphors for how I’ve been feeling.
One is the moment when Alice steps into the looking glass, yet isn’t quite across yet. She is simultaneously in both worlds – her familiar home, and Wonderland. (Which is more Weirdland than Wonderland, anyway, right? I mean, it’s more disconcerting than wondrous most of the story, especially that nasty queen!)
Another is the image of sticking my head into another dimension, while my body is still here, in my original one. I’m seeing all sorts of weird things, but I’m not fully in there with them.
I named this post “Driving with my head out the window” because I guess that captures it best. It’s not about just standing there looking back and forth, but it’s also representing the idea of the motion of things whizzing by outside, but inside they feel still, despite the actual movement of both.
In many areas of my life, I’m feeling like this.
First, my business, Reiki Awakening Academy. Lots is in the works, in progress, right now. Among them, a new website is being developed. It’s VASTLY different from the current one, and also a whole lot better. I’m waiting for the coding to be finished, and then I’ll have loads of work to upload the real content instead of the placeholders that are there now. We are also planning a full school year of classes, trainings, and retreats. But the school year hasn’t really started yet. So all of this momentum is happening behind the scenes (that’s the outside the window part), while inside the car, everything seems like it’s just sitting here waiting to get somewhere.
Next, my home life. My husband, Evan, has spent most of the summer interviewing for a very big position 350 miles away. This organization recruited him, quite “out of the blue” but not really, as it happened just a few days after he tried a manifestation exercise that I taught him. More interestingly, it is the same position he interviewed for four years ago, and back then, he was suddenly passed over when they hired an internal candidate. This job was a fantastic fit for his education, experience and skill set, and the level of position and salary sounded perfect for us. It was surprising and a little jarring at the time that (seemingly at the last minute), he didn’t get the offer. Turns out that if he had been offered the job then, it would have been absolutely wrong for our family. Shortly after he didn’t get the position, his mom got sick. We were very much needed here, and if we had moved, it would have been impossible for us to stay. We spent the next eight months caring for her. And then she passed. And we had to settle her estate, sell her house, and readjust our lives. It took time.
Back to this summer, when as I mentioned, Evan was suddenly contacted by that very same organization, saying that the same position is open again, asking if he would consider applying for it. Only this time, he went through the whole interview process, and was called and told that they are putting together an offer for him. They had said they were going to make the offer last week. But then they called and said their finance committee would be on a retreat for the week, so the offer won’t happen until Aug. 21. We don’t know what the offer will be, or if the (we assume) relocation package will be enough to make this possible for us.
I get that same world-rushing-by-while-I-sit-and-wait feeling when I think of all the ways this could play out, along with figuring out what to do about our house, a new place to live, school systems for the kids, a new Reiki practice location for me, and the timing of it all. It’s impossible to really plan until we know about the offer. So, until Wednesday, or possibly a few days later after negotiations, my head is out the window trying to catch a glimpse of the world of potential, while my body is here, getting the kids ready for the start of school next week in their current school.
Finally, those I work with – my business partner, and my Naturopath, both incredibly intuitive people (to say the least). I went to see my Naturopath last week to get some advice and energy work for a small but irritating health issue. She helped me with it, and then we were chatting about computers. She told me about how she gets overwhelmed by electromagnetic energy, like being in the Verizon store. She could always see energy, and it certainly helps her in her work. I can’t, and I could stand in the Verizon store all day without noticing the energetic difference. I listen to her and it’s like sticking my head into the looking glass while the rest of my body stays put. I feel like I’m somehow missing something by not being as sensitive as she is to the energies all around me.
My business partner emailed me yesterday. She had a surreal (to me) experience of being in and out of her body most of yesterday, being visited by spirits, Guides, and getting “downloads” of new books to write. She grounded again last night and “returned” to a more earthly state of living in her body. But honestly, she’s like the Mad Hatter (not crazy – no implication intended there!), and I’m in Wonderland when I read about her experiences. I am that Alice, looking around and feeling out of my element when faced with things like this. I can only look – these experiences are out of my realm. They are, though, common enough for her, as she has been astral traveling since being a child.
So here I am in a sort of limbo. I do my thing – I am good at giving Reiki. I’m pretty awesome at teaching Reiki. I can give some insightful Angel Card readings. I have a sensible business savvy. Inside my calm little car, I am used to the way things are.
But I’m feeling like intense things are whizzing all around just outside of me in my little world, and I can guess about them, hear about them, learn about them, but they aren’t taking me with them to experience them personally. While it’s just a matter of time – just a few more days – for Evan’s situation to work out, and a matter of weeks for my website to be ready, new programs to be launching, and classes to begin again, my imagination and desire to be moving (rather than waiting) are far ahead, whizzing around in an unsettled pattern.
And when it comes to the people I’m working with, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to really visit their worlds as they see them. It bothers me a little. I remind myself that they both have had a lifetime of that natural intuitive gift that I only started finding in myself and working towards five years ago. Logically, I know that perhaps, in time, with continued work on my own development, I could sense something of what they experience, when it’s right for me. And, that is ok.
But for now, I’m feeling like I’m driving with my head out the window. Inside the car, I feel the sensation of barely moving. I’m enclosed in my little space. But my head, outside the window, is getting a bigger, wilder reminder that what I experience inside my space is only a fraction of what is really happening.
How do you ride through your life right now? Will we see each other on the road, our hair whipping about wildly in the wind?
Are you near the looking glass? Do you know it’s there? Have you stepped inside?